batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
