my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
