i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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