Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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