i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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