I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
