im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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