It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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