so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
