My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
