what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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