Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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