i may or may not be watching the land before time
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
