wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
