Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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