i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
