Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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