I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
