hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize