There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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