I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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