I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
