Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
