i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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