Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
