Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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