i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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