bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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