billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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