We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
