We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So apparently I’m into choking now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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