why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
