Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize