I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
