my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
