I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
