Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
