Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
