careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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