He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
