Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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