I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
