dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize