so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
