hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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