there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
