he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
