i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
