The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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