I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
