Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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