I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize