so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
