so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
