just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
