she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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