Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
