so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
