I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
