sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
