ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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