Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
