I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Someone shit on the floor
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
