So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
