Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize