oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
