so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
