I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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