Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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