she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
